We’ve probably all done it, written some sort of quick response online and later regretted it. It seems that the lack of eye contact and physical presence in our online communications often results in people writing things that aren’t a shining example of a Christ like attitude. On the other hand it may be that the true condition of our heart is more clearly seen in these online communications as we seem to be less hindered my social pressure of peoples physical presence and more likely to say what we really think rather.

Jesus himselfs reminded us: Mat 12:34b …for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

I thought it might be helpful to write out a few questions to help myself and others maintain a good testimony even when we are communicating online.

Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself before you respond to that next post on Facebook or enter that conversation on Viber.

1. Why am I writing this?

Are you just trying to prove your point, or point out someone else’s error? Are you trying to show people how well versed in Bible knowledge you are? Are you hoping to put someone in their place or make someone feel stupid for something they did or said?

It’s helpful to think about purpose in all we do and say. We need to realize that words have great power to help or to hurt.

Eph 4:29  Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

2. Do I really need to say this?

Remember, it’s often a better choice to simply not respond. Any fool can quickly respond but it takes real discipline and wisdom to restrain your words and wait for an opportune time when you can actually discuss the matter civilly in person.

Consider the following verses:

Pro 10:19  When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Pro 17:28  Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

3. Am I assuming someone’s motives?

It’s easy to read between the lines and assume some else’s motives.

“You’re just saying that because…”

“You never want to…”

“You just don’t like him and that’s why you…”

Learn to give the benefit of the doubt and try not go beyond what is actually written. Yes, they may have bad motives but your assumptions will just make matters worse.

4. Will I offend someone with my words?

Think about this carefully, it’s no small matter to offend someone. Maybe you’re offended and that’s why you want to respond. If you are offended then responded to an online chat probably isn’t the best thing to do. Why not give them a call on the phone instead or talk to them in person if possible?

Pro 18:19  A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

5. Am I being quarrelsome or trying to catch someone in their words?

I hate to admit it but it’s pretty easy to jump right into a quarrell without giving it a second thought. Quarrels are never profitable, so don’t start them and if you see one happening try your best not to enter into their foolishness.

Pro 15:18  A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Pro 18:6  A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.

6. Are my words gossip?

How are you talking about others? Are you complaining about them? Are you sharing prayer requests in the form of a drawn out explanation of how “so and so” at church has a terrible marriage? Are you passing on delicious morsels of gossip for your own entertainment and the entertainment of others. Don’t do it!

Pro 18:8  The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.

Jas 4:11  Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.

7. Would I respond the same way if that person was in the room with me?

We all tend to be a bit more reserved when we are talking in person to someone. Think about how you would respond to the same person if you were talking face to face in a public place. Ask yourself would I feel fine if my responses were read publicly in Church on Sunday morning?

Col 4:6  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

8. Will what I say now make a difference in 1 year or more?

Will there really be long term benefit to what you are writing. If it’s not going to make a difference in a year or more then maybe it isn’t worth writing.

9. How will my words help others?

Are my words helping bring others towards truth and life? Are they words that reflect Biblical truth about God, Christ, grace, mercy, and salvation? Will my words help someone know Christ better? Will my words save someone from danger? Will my words give encouragement and hope to someone discouraged or frustrated?

Pro 12:18  There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Pro 18:21  Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

10. Am I writing what is truthful?

It’s easy to exaggerate what we don’t like, or play down negative aspects that we’d rather not let people know about. Think about your statements before you publish them. Are they accurate, are they truthful, could they be taken wrongly?

Pro 12:19  Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Eph 4:15  Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,

11. Am I writing in the heat of the moment?

Are you angry, bitter, upset, frustrated? Then you probably shouldn’t be writing right now. Instead move way from the computer, put down the phone and give yourself time to cool off.

Pro 17:27  Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Jas 1:26  If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.

12. Is my writing respectful and honoring to others in the Body of Christ?

Our online conversations should reflect the love, respect, and mutual submission we are called to have in the Body of Christ.

Eph 4:31  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Eph 4:32  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Eph 5:4  Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.

Eph 5:19  addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,

Eph 5:20  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Eph 5:21  submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.