Have you ever thought about the fifth commandment, I mean really thought about it? Maybe I should first ask,” do you even remember what the fifth commandment is?” if you forgot here is a reminder:
“Honor your father and your mother, that you may live a long time in the lands the Lord your God is giving to you.” Exodus 20:12
At first glance it seems like a great little verse for primary Sunday school classes. If you are a parent with kids at home you’re probably thinking, “Thank you God!” However, I believe we have confined this commandment to the realm of junior church and adolescents for far to long! It’s time to take a serious look at one of the greatest laws ever given to man!
I am grateful for the impact my parents have had on my life!
1. It deals with the most important of human relationships
Commandments 1-4 all deal with our personal relationship with God. The 5th commandment is the first that touches on our human relationships.
The parent/child relationship more closely resembles our relationship with God than any other relationship on earth. Here are a few was this is a unique relationship:
- We did not choose our parents yet we are called to honor and obey them
- Our parents generally love us unconditionally
- Our parents provide for us
- Our parents are smarter/wiser than us
- Our parents are stronger than us
- Our parents created us
- Our parents sacrifice more for us than anyone else
- Our parents protect us
- Our parents teach us
- Our parents lead us
- Our parents know us better than we know ourselves
- It is our first relationship
- We bear a resemblance to our parents
Did you notice that everything on the above list can also be said of our relationship with God? For this very reason the parent/child relationship is the best gauge of our relationship with God!
2. It was written primarily to adults
I’ve noticed that we often have a tendency to trivialize Biblical truths until they don’t apply to us anymore or at least until we feel that they are so insignificant that they are only worthy of teaching to 5 year olds! This is exactly what many have done with the fifth commandment.
The truth is that the fifth commandment was NOT primarily written to young children! It was written to fully grown adults like you and me. If you don’t believe me then read a little further Exodus 21:15 and Deuteronomy 21:18-21 both give the death penalty for breaking the fifth commandment! I don’t think were talking about stoning a five-year-old for being disrespectful to his mother.
Unfortunately Western culture is know for its independence and that includes independence of children from their parents once they reach the magical number of 18! The Bible doesn’t have an expiration date for the 5th commandment. On the contrary, the older we get the more we are expected to understand this commandment and apply it to our relationship with our parents and elders!
3. It calls for respect, not absolute obedience
Sometimes we forget that this commandment does not include the word “obey”. This is because it is directed towards adult children who, hopefully no longer need the instruction that was given by their parents before they reached adulthood.
The verb in this commandment calls us to “respect” or “honor” our parents. This may or may not include obedience but it will certainly include an attitude of gratitude, thoughtfulness, kindness and care for our parents, especially as they age and need our help.
4. It doesn’t give parents the right to demand respect
As a parent of young children it is very tempting to read this verse to my kids and then demand that they obey my words as a soldier carrying out his CO’s commands! However, I have to remind myself that this commandment is written to children and not to parents!
If I want my children to respect me then I need to make sure I am living in a way that deserves that respect. Do you want to know the honest truth, do you want to know if you walk the walk and not just talk the talk? To find the answer all you need to do is ask your children, they’ll tell you and they won’t bend the truth to make you feel better about yourself!
Questions for personal evaluation
1. What’s your relationship with your parents like? Does it reflect your relationship with God?
2. Does your speech give honor to your parents even when they are not around?
3. What specific actions can you take to show your parents respect and honor?
4. Do you demand the obedience of your own children or are you living in a way to gain their respect?
Questions for discussion
1. Could obedience to the 5th commandment save our country money by eliminating much of the need for Social Security?
2. Is it ok to send an elderly parent off the nursing home so that the children are not “burdened” by their care?
recommended reading
Words From the Fire: Hearing the Voice of God in the 10 Commandments
Anna
August 21, 2012Thank you very much for this message. It made me ponder over many things and reminded the sense of this Commandment. Moreover it inspired me to respect my parents even more and be more patient in any situation.
Caleb
August 21, 2012Anna I’m very glad you found the post helpful! It always amazes me how God’s laws are just as valid today as they were a few thousand years ago when they were written.
Rosalie
August 22, 2013a very timely post for me. I think about this commandment often. I want to parent my children in a way that motivates them to honor Chris and I, just as I am motivated to honor the Lord because of His love for me. But my own parents failed on nearly every count, due to substance abuse, selfishness, and, obviously, no relationship with the Lord. I was raised by my grandparents, who did their very best and deserve the honor due my parents. One way I honor my grandparents, actually, is not speaking ill of my parents. It would be so hurtful to them to hear of my bitterness and resentment, which may remind them of their own failings. We have always had a good relationship, but I struggle to share my faith with them effectively. I have prayed often that God would make a better way for me or someone else to share the gospel with them in a way that resonates with them. I am sure I have missed many opportunities though. Recently, though, during a visit with my 2 year old, it became clear that a relationship with us is not super important to them. A few inconsequential errors, like not wearing slippers in the house and spilling water, really put my grandpa over the edge and he yelled at me and basically said it was too much trouble to have us over. I am very hurt and rejected, and my initial response is to just avoid relationship with them completely. They live well, very individualistic, and show love with material things, not in relationship. It would be much easier to just let them set the tone for our relationship to non existent and move on. However, my children miss out on the privilege of knowing their great grandparents, and I could miss an opportunity to share the hope of the gospel. I am praying now for wisdom and asking Good to replace my anger with compassion for them. He loves reconciliation, not division, after all.
Caleb
August 22, 2013Rosalie, thanks for sharing your story and your struggle. I think it really shows how important and sometimes difficult it can be for adult children to honor their parents. It’s important to remember that honor and obey aren’t the same things. I’m glad that despite the difficulties you are working to keep a relationship. I believe that often times its in the small ways that we react or don’t react that over the long run make a difference in people’s lives. Of course your daughter is also getting old enough to be able to pick up on some of these ques herself too!