On any given Sunday morning around 10:30 you’ll find a man taking up his usual spot in the church sanctuary. He mumbles through the worship songs then sits down and tries not to fall asleep through the sermon.
2:30 Sunday afternoon presents a different scenario.
The same man sits comfortably on his couch. A bowl of chips to his right and drink in his hand. He silently leans forward with his eyes fixed on the glimmer of the television screen.
“Run!” He whispers, “That’s it, keep going!”
His whispering erupts into a warrior’s cry of victory,
“Tou—ch d—–own!”
He jumps to his feet, hands extended straight into the air.
“Oh, I can’t believe it! What a come back!”
He yells as he dances around the room with childlike glee.
Playing football with my brothers on a Sunday afternoon
Maybe you’ve had times when you have felt the same way. You just wanted to get through church so you could get home to do something really exciting. Why is it that the same man who is put to sleep by the Church service can also be stirred deep within by a simple football game?
I believe there is a simple answer to this.
We (men) like action. We crave it.
We also live in a culture that honors action heroes, California even elected one for their governor a few years back! If you want men to watch a movie you’d better have few good explosions, a fight or a car chase.
Unfortunately it seems that our churches have become lost in this fascination for action. Men do not view the Church as a place of action, they see it as a place of “inaction”, a place where they need to be quiet and still.
I fear this is the result of a theology of I call “Don’tism.” People who adhere to “Don’tism” view the Christian life as abstinence from all things evil. In their minds holiness is mainly about staying away from sin which is usually clearly defined by a long list of “don’ts”
In their effort not to do evil they fail to do anything at all.
I’m not saying that the Bible doesn’t prohibit things because it does. Take “Do not murder” for example. What I am saying is that I am persuaded that the Bible does much much more than prohibit.
God’s Word is a call to action!
- A call to walk and live in faith
- A call to preach and teach the gospel
- A call to pick up your cross and follow Jesus
- A call to bring mercy and grace to the lost
- A call to help the needed and defend the helpless
- A call to choose the righteous action over the unrighteous
In a way, I don’t fault those men who can’t seem to get excited about worship on Sunday morning. Maybe the blame lies more on our church and traditions than it does on the individual.
Bernard
July 25, 2013Great post. Men get excited about football more than church because it is action packed with hits, touchdowns, last second heroics, wins, losses and challenges. I could keep going. In church we have resorted to more feminine stance than masculine. A great book that talks about this is ‘Why men don’t go to church’.
We as a church can focus on more things that gets men attention. I remember five years ago at our church our couples ministry did a Friday night couples event called ‘MFL (Married for Life)’. We promoted it like it was a football game. We played the Monday night football music with a big screen TV showing videos of football highlights. Each couple had a football jersey. We had food like at a tailgate party.
We also had to night broken up into 4 quarters and halftime. I was the coach that gave a 10 minute motivational speech at halftime that was Christ centered. It was a great night. We were use to having about 8 to 10 couples on Friday night, but that Friday night we had about 80 couples. The the most incredible thing about that night was the men were fired up. They were talking about it weeks after. Five years later, I still have guys call me coach. I am sorry to be so long, but this is an issue I think about often.
Caleb
July 31, 2013I like the idea of breaking the church service up into quarters. I think one reason men don’t like being in the church service is because they don’t know how long they’re going to be there for! Sounds like your idea worked well. Did you ever repeat it?
Julie Mattern
July 31, 2013I like this idea! This would be great! (From a wife who likes football as much as her husband.)
Caleb
August 1, 2013Julie, do you really like football as much as your husband? That’s great! Maybe you should start this ministry in your church.
Earline
January 21, 2014I love the idea of doing a MFL ministry! How fun would that be. Any resources out there? Ideas?
Jonathan Henderson
July 26, 2013Great book on this topic: “Why Men Hate Going to Church” by David Morrow. But, as you’re reading “Creatue of the Word”, I’d stick with that one for now. Chandler is one solid man.
Caleb
July 26, 2013Thanks, I’ll check that book out, sounds like a good one to put on my list!
Keturah
July 26, 2013This is so good and full of insight! I’m not a guy, but I spent most of the past decade focusing on the “don’ts” and ended up in a lot of legalism and completely lost my focus and love for Christ. Praising God for his grace as he heals me and shows me how to live in action for him, and how wonderful it is to focus on the “Do’s” he calls us to 🙂
Caleb
July 26, 2013Keturah, it does make a big difference when we realize that we were called to do something and not just abstain from everything. Thanks for commenting!
LarryTheDeuce
July 26, 2013I think most men tend to shy away from the abstract, which often, is what church is. Too often, church just doesn’t speak in a language men get or understand.
Caleb
July 26, 2013I agree, abstract is always hard to grasp. Part of the problem could be that our preachers stay to long in the theoretical and forget to bring things down to the practical level. All abstract concepts have concrete application in real life.
David Sparks
July 26, 2013Caleb this is a great question. While it’s limited in your post to men, this is something I believe churches are struggling with mightily – people acting. Our family has been really struggling with how to be better people of action, as well as to help others choose to be people of action. Sunday evening, I’ll be speaking on just that topic.
Some of it has to do with us being comfortable.
Additionally, I believe it is an individual thing as far as a conscious decision to “do”. If you see a need, fill it; or help someone else fill it. If you have an idea, do something with it, inside or outside of the church. Helping others make a positive impact is something I’m very passionate about. Thanks for the post – big time!
Caleb
July 26, 2013David what passages are you planning to use when you speak on Sunday night?
David Sparks
July 29, 2013The post you read today was basically what I spoke on and was referencing above.
Caleb
July 29, 2013I figured that! Great post!
Chris Peek
July 26, 2013Great post, Caleb! You’ve pretty much nailed it. As John Eldredge would say, Men need an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to rescue. Modern church doesn’t really fulfill any of those deep desires.
Honestly, church has morphed into a show with a lineup that must be strictly adhered to, and the formula rarely changes from week-to-week. Besides a show, it has also become like school. We, in turn, have become the audience – watching a show and learning from the pastor. Men need to engage.
Why not allow services where the spirit takes over and we worship the Lord for an hour? Why not stop the service, get into groups of three or four, and pray for each other?
Caleb
July 26, 2013I know John Eldredge has written on this topic but I haven’t read him yet. I like your idea about breaking up into groups and praying for each other during the service. My wife’s home church in Cherkassy does that every Sunday. I part of the problem is that men view church as only being on Sunday morning. We need to find ways to help men especially realize that church is 24/7, not just at 10am on Sunday morning.
Sean Nisil
July 26, 2013I completely agree on your insight into “Don’tism.” You are right, God is a God of action and we can walk with him in victory. Each day we are called to proactively fight against the darkness of this broken world and lead the people around us. Two of my favorite passages are Ephesians 6 and Revelation 19. There’s no armor for the backside and we’re marching with the King of kings!
Caleb
July 26, 2013Wow, I love that, “no armor for the backside”. I’m preaching tomorrow on Eph 4 about walking worthy, which is also a good action verb that shows how christianity is supposed to be lived out in every aspect of our life.
Chris
July 26, 2013“We have castrated the gelding and bid it be fruitful.”
I echo the Eldredge comment above. I also believe that men want to be called up into something greater than themselves. We often find that in sports by rooting for and finding our allegiance with our favorite teams and like-minded individuals.
But the church has done a poor job of calling men up into something bigger than themselves. Church is affirmed as a building rather than the Body of Christ. If men saw their life as something to be poured out for God and others then their passion would return.
Caleb
July 26, 2013Great quote! I like the idea of doing something bigger than ourselves, it reminds me of how Paul told Timothy that the Church is the pillar and foundation of truth. If that’s true, and it is, then we have a huge job to do, we need to be holding up a truth that is far greater than ourselves!
Vince Armfield
July 27, 2013Your post was thought provoking. Some thoughts in mega-brief… relationships that are connected (men to men) across age ranges is essential. It won’t happen on Sunday mornings alone – needs to be fostered. Men need something to do together (note you were not playing football alone in your inset picture). I’m talking about something both spiritual as well as mundane at the same time – build story and create comraderie and fraternity among men. This means intentionally working together to make it happen. Its a long term venture that requires patience, grace and perseverance. Just some quick thoughts. Thanks for prodding your readers (and me)! God bless you and yours!
Caleb
July 27, 2013Vince great observation about doing things together. I think you’re right. Some of the best churches I’ve been in have strong men’s ministries where it’s obvious that each man knows he has a job to do and feels that he’s on a team. They move forward with purpose and passion because they know that their task is significant.
bill (cycleguy)
July 27, 2013I struggled with this for so long and then read Wild at Heart and began to understand more Caleb. I still don’t have the answer but understand more of why men are AWOL when it comes to church life. Maybe it no excitement. Maybe it is the “don’tism” syndrome. Maybe it is the lack of other men in the church community to bond with. It is something the church will continue struggling with. We have tried several different ideas and they might start out well and then fall flat.
Caleb
July 27, 2013Bill, here is another thing to consider. Many of the major religions in the world are primarily “male” religions, like Islam and Judaism. Yet, somehow Christianity, in many parts of the world has become known as a more feminine religion!
I also don’t have all the answers for this but I suspect that when church leaders become men of action they will also attract other men to join them.
Michael Holmes
July 29, 2013It all boils down to action: where are we going and what are we going to do?
Michael Holmes
July 29, 2013We’re men of purpose, we like fix things, grunt, and make things happen. If we don’t have that why should we be there?
Caleb
July 29, 2013I think you’re right Michael. Maybe part of the problem is that church leaders have not done a good job and communicating the purpose of the church and giving men opportunity to make it happen.
Rick
July 29, 2013Caleb – I used to think I was an oddity. I don’t care for America’s real religion – football – in that I can take it or leave it. I don’t want to rush home after a worship service and turn on the big game – regardless of sport – because sport never grabbed my attention in the way it does most men. I don’t need explosions, big-breasted women, beer-fueled car chases or anything like that in my entertainment – that’s not to say I haven’t watched my fair share of it before, just that I don’t go there now. I like action – not action figures 🙂
All that being said, while I know I’m an oddity, I also know I’m not alone in either my oddness. I don’t have to follow the crowd to follow Christ; in fact, I think it is incumbent on us all to use more of our brain and less of our brawn since we seem to favor the latter over the former. Acts of mercy and compassion are rarely – if ever – testosterone-fueled.
Great post!
Caleb
July 29, 2013Rick you’re not an oddity but you might be in the minority. I think it’s interesting what how you wrote, “Acts of mercy and compassion are rarely -if ever- testosterone-fueled” In a way I agree but then I also wonder, why did God give man testosterone? There must be a godly and Biblical purpose other than just procreation.
Rick
July 29, 2013Caleb, I *know* I’m in the minority. I am reminded of it at *every* turn in our contemporary church culture. Pastors watch the clock so they can get everyone out before kick-off. Why? Because they know if they have a habit of running late, once football season starts, the football junkies may simply decide to stay home rather than sleep in the pews. That may tick some folks off – too bad – I’ve heard it form the mouths of pastors themselves.
There may indeed be a Biblical and Godly purpose for testosterone beyond procreation – how about standing up for the widow and orphan instead of standing up and butt-slapping someone when someone moves an inflated pigskin across a goal line? I wonder what *that* might look like? When Jesus tossed the tables in the temple, I have no doubt that testosterone played a part – where are our models of that behavior today?
Caleb
July 30, 2013There you go! Those are great examples of a godly use for testosterone! In fact I believe the Bible is full of those kinds of examples!
tcavey
July 29, 2013Great post!
It reminds me of something Bob Goff said in his book, “Love Does”. He said that before he became a Christian he used to view Christians or church as being against things. But once he learned more about God he realized there was more that God was for. He says that Christian’s should show the world what God is for (God is FOR US) instead of focusing on all the things he’s against. That’s more appealing than all the “don’t do this” and you “shouldn’t do that”.
I’m probably really messing up Goff’s book, Its been a year since I’ve read it, but it was a good read!
Caleb
July 29, 2013I think I might have to read that book, I’ve heard a lot about it. It seems to me that there is a balancing act here. I understand that God is for a lot of things and that’s what I was talking about in this post. On the other hand most of the 10 commandments are prohibitions. It think the key is realizing that even prohibitions don’t mean that we sit and do nothing. The prohibitions are simply things we shouldn’t do but we must replace those things with righteous actions.
Kari Scare
August 3, 2013Church culture is part of the reason by being boring at times & stuck in tradition. World culture is too by not making it okay for men to show emotion. Men blocking out quiet & reflection because of what God can do durong those times is part of it. Lots of reasons. Nothing simple. No one place/person to blame. We can look to Jesus’ habits for the solution. Small groups. Teaching times. Doing life together. Being transparent. Not entirely a male problem either.
Caleb
August 3, 2013I agree Kari, there’s really not single person or thing to blame. The problem is complex, the important thing is that we are aware of it and working on it. I’ve been thinking today about Jesus’ example as a man. He was at times very aggressive, like when he turned over the tables in the temple courtyard and at times he held back, like when they whipped him before crucifixion.
Jay Dee - JayDeeBlogs.com
August 9, 2013I think you get out of church what you put into it. I’ll take church over football any day, but I’m not a huge fan of football, so that’s not much of a statement.
But I haven’t, since investing my time and energy into our church, sat in a pew thinking I wish I could be somewhere else, because that is my church, I have a vested interest in it. I interviewed the pastor when we hired him, I help set policies in the church, I am listening because we have a small group that meets at our house that will be discussing what is being said.
So, I think if you are bored, you need to put more into it to get more out of it.
Caleb
August 9, 2013I like how you put that Jay, “you get out of church what you put into it”. It’s true, the more men are really invested in the ministries of their church the more they are excited about what’s happening in that church and less likely to sit on the pew just waiting to go home to watch the game.
Loren Pinilis
August 21, 2013I love this, Caleb!
When we view Christianity as a list of negatives, we’re left with a vacuum – and that’s not really going to get anyone’s blood pumping. For some reason, this reminds me of the concept of holiness. Holiness isn’t just the absence of sin – because that doesn’t really give us a gut feeling. It’s the presence of perfection. It sounds like a subtle difference, but it’s actually quite stark.
Caleb
August 21, 2013Yes, yes, yes! The presence of righteousness vs the absence of sin is a huge difference!
floyd
January 19, 2014It’s a matter of the physical senses I think. It’s like reading a book or playing pinball. Both good, one just excites the senses and one stimulates the mind. Both can bring about action, just in different ways. This is an interesting topic. You got me thinking!
Caleb
January 21, 2014Floyd, that’s probably part of the answer. For me I like to combine the physcial and the spiritual/mental. That means when I’m studying I often will get up ever 15-20 mins and do push-ups or pull-ups, it helps me stay focused and in the game!