No person influences your worship more than your spouse and that’s why in this week’s podcast I’m talking about the benefits of arranged marriages and the importance of choosing a spouse wisely!
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The problem of “falling in love”
I call it or “Cinderella theology” and it happens all the time. Couples get married simply because they “fell in love”.
It’s not Biblical!
It’s not wise!
It’s not something I want my kids to do!
If you marry someone based upon how they make you feel then you will also be tempted to leave someone based upon how they make you feel
If you “fell in-love” you can “fall out-of-love”!
Check out what Timothy Keller says about this phenomena in “The meaning of marriage”
“The in-love experience passes when the flaws in the other person come home to us. Things that seemed small and inconsequential now loom large. We begin to feel that we did not really know the person after all. And this presents us with the challenge of loving a person who, at the moment, seems in large part a stranger, not the person you remember marrying. When this happens, people respond in a number of different ways. If your purpose in marriage was to acquire a “soul mate”—a person who would not change you and would supportively help you reach your life goals—then this particular reality of marriage will be deeply disorienting. You wake up to the realization that your marriage will take a huge investment of time just to make it work. Just as distressing will be the discovery that your spouse finds you a stranger and has begun to confront you with a list of your serious shortcomings. Your first response will be to tell yourself you made a bad choice and failed to find someone truly compatible” -Timothy Keller “The meaning of marriage”
A better basis for choosing a spouse
Being “in love” is an emotional and physiological state that often comes early in a relationship brought on by a combination of hormones, imagination and romantic expectations.
Falling in love isn’t wrong, it’s just not a basis for marriage. If you got married because you fell in love that doesn’t mean things won’t work out but you’ll have to learn to love your spouse soon enough.
The Biblical basis for marriage is character
The book of Proverbs was written primarily with young single men in mind. Solomon often contrasts the wise and the foolish woman, he does this in part to teach his sons how to find a good wife. Proverbs 31 goes into detail describing a woman of noble character. This was written for young men to read as they looked for a wife.
Some examples of arranged marriages
- Christina and I are a product of an arranged marriage (subscribe to our blog for the whole story)
- Adam and Eve had an arranged marriage, God didn’t create 6 women and then parade them around Adam until he fell in love with one of them.
- Issac and Rebekah
- Jacob and Rachel/Leah
Benefits of arranged marriages
1. It relies on the years and wisdom of the parents.
2. It removes the blindness of being in love.
3. It gives the young couple a healthier start to their marriage.
4. It encourages the parents and children to be planning for marriage from an early age.
5. It helps children to see that marriage impacts far more people than just those getting married.
How can parents take an active role?
1. Help your child develop a proper understanding of marriage.
2. Teach your child that romance is for after marriage not before (Hollywood doesn’t help).
3. Talk frequently with your children about the importance of finding a spouse with character.
4. Build a trust with your child.
Questions: What do you think, how involved should parents be in the helping to choose their children’s future spouses?
Note: you’ll want to make sure to listen to this podcast before commenting as not all the content is included in the show notes.